20 Questions

1) Why do my children still call for me over and over and over after I've said, "Yes?" to their queries?

2) Why do they continue to wake up between 2 and 4am for any number of given reasons even after days where I literally make them run laps in the back yard?

3) Who on earth wants to eat applesauce at every meal for three days in a row?

4) Why, after taking the dog out to relieve himself (and he does!), does the dog run inside and then instantly poop again indoors?

5) Why do my children only interrupt me ten minutes into a relaxing chick flick, but if I'm doing something boring, they stay in bed?

6) How come my son runs and poops in his pants only after I've put a fresh pull up on him?

7) Why does my daughter respond, "But I doooooo!" when I have told her she has lost a privilege of some sort as consequence to lying, whining, disobeying, etc.?

8) When does a child's logic kick in?

9) What part of "Don't you DARE move!" is not clear?

10) Why do children automatically think that because it's something they like, it somehow magically becomes their property?

11) Why do they insist on climbing into bed with me at 3am and then start doing all manner of gymnastics and asking weird questions and start to whine when I ask them to go to sleep or go back to their bed?

12) Why don't they get the hint when I say, "Do I do that to you?" and they respond, "No." that this means that perhaps they should also NOT do that, as well?

13) Why do children become perfect alternate versions of themselves when Daddy is around?

14) Why do grandparents get to be the fun ones doling out the treats and I'm left with the roll of Mean Mommy, banishing all sugar and movies, toys, etc.?

15) What is with all the repeating of questions- why do they think if they continue to ask the same question over and over that the answer will somehow be different?

16) Why do they beg for something they have had and enjoyed in the past and then once given to them act put out and say they it's not what they wanted or they don't like it?

17) Why do husbands always ask, "Why are you shouting?" when it's obviously done to be heard over all the noise?

18) Doesn't it seem obvious as to why chocolate and flowers are necessary?

19) Why is it so hard to shower when one has small children?

20) And why is it that the second you put on something new or the one nice/clean piece of clothing left, that someone wipes their nose on your sleeve or vomits or touches you with spaghetti sauce on their fingers?