Fat Pants

Getting healthy and losing weight are hard feats. They must be or there wouldn't be so many overweight and unhealthy people around. I have been on the band wagon and subsequently fallen off enough times to know how hard it is. I don't like talking about my issues publicly (who does?!) or telling people that I might be having a hard time dealing with changes, but I don't have to verbalize any of the details, really. Anyone can see it on my plump, pink face. I gain weight and I gain it fast. Why? Because I eat! Eating in and of itself is necessary in life, but I have had to come to the realization that what may be permissible for others in their body chemistry is just not permissible in mine. Does it suck? Yes. Is it fair? Of course not, but we are always told how unfair life can be and this is one of those unfair things that I defy and end up only injuring myself ie: weight gain. Dairy does not agree with me. Neither does bread. Chocolate is a ridiculous craving of mine. Also, I am a huge fan of the late night date night dinner and snack fetes with my husband that add up to a whole lot more of munching and crunching and sitting around than I need. Furthermore, I love to cook. I like to concoct new and tasty treats to make my friends and family and that takes a lot of trials and tastings to get things right. All this adds up. Dump on top of that the busyness of life and kids and events that never end and health has appeared to taken a back seat and one day you see a recent picture of yourself and are absolutely and completely utterly embarrassed and equally horrified about the state of things. Do I like admitting this in a blog? Not really, but like I said. It's not really a secret. It's more than apparent and in efforts of my early resolutions and living authentically and without regrets this is one of those things that I always end up regretting about myself. My lack of foresight and self control where it matters most in the long run, my health. It affects my entire family and, frankly, I have been more than selfish and indulgent where it shouldn't matter, food.
I am not writing this for anyone but myself, really. If it helps someone, great, but I need to write it and post it for me because I will feel more responsible and held accountable to hold myself at a higher standard than I have been. I have done well in the past, but I always seem to find myself back in this position and there are reasons but they are inconsequential. The point is, I am going to be 29 in less than a month and this is not at all where I pictured myself to be in any capacity personally.
The weird thing is that despite the weight and the whole gallbladder issue this past year, I have been given an overall clean bill of health. I have perfect levels for all the things that seem to count. Everything is great. Furthermore, in spite of the weight, I can still jog up and downstairs, run around in circles after my kids, pick up our massive hunk of a stroller, drag in groceries by the bagfuls, but none of that seems to count so much when you have to suck in as though your life depended on it and pray that your jeans button once you've finally gotten the zipper up. Even once that feat is accomplished, there is still that awful muffin top to attempt cover and the rest of the day to pray as you are out and about that no one notices too much. Oh well. These things happen and I can't be too embarrassed because I know I am not the only one. Most women deal with these same issues in their own ways. Some are better about controlling it than others or hiding it than others and some are just obsessive about their weight loss regime as others are about their weight gain and covering it up. So, whatever side of the spectrum one falls, there are scads of women (and even men) who are struggling. So this is my struggle. I am human and this is me. I make no apology, but to myself.

Again, I hate laying myself so bare, but I have to face the facts that I am really not, as it is more than apparent and it would be ignorant for me to ignore the elephant in the room (ha ha!). Hopefully this will be just another big kick in the seat of my "fat pants" that helps me along. I am already starting to feel motivated and better about things.... Thanks for listening.