A Few Things I've Discovered

I've come to discover a few things that I am going to share:

1) Yes, I am aware that my child is screeching at the top of his lungs in public and no, I do not think it is ok and yes, it is as equally annoying/unsettling/baffling/mindnumbinglyaggravating for me as it is for you to hear. 

2) Mommies listen to noises such as that all the time and while we absolutely HATE it, we have and USE an IGNORE button that suddenly develops once having children. If I am in a restaurant (not a posh one by any means, we are talking a chain restaurant at lunch time which is when Moms with their children are tolerated), and my baby starts her screechy "singing" which we laugh at at home, I am going to continue to eat. Just so you know. 

3) Old people like to look at smiling kids and coo and gush, but when the child starts to scream, they start to get.... well, nasty and mean. Go figure. 

4) This world is not family friendly or child friendly at all. And all those places that are 

"child friendly" are just out to shake down Mommy's wallet and take you for every last dime. Not the park, though. That's free. And the library. That's free, too. Just look behind all the furniture before returning books...

5) If an old person thinks your baby is cute enough, they will hand them money. But only to the baby. Once your other kids are older, they ignore them, so then Mommy has to deal with the aftermath of why strangers hand money to the baby and NOT to them. 

6) Children will pick more library books than The Hulk could carry and will then whine and complain the entire walk home because Mean Mommy who has to carry everything else AND push a stroller has made them check out and carry their own books after warning them they should ONLY take what they can CARRY. Which leads to the next point-

7) No matter how much you prepare and warn, something will go amiss and they will get angry and unfathomably, it's YOUR FAULT. I'm still not sure why, but I know there are therapist couches filled across this country and it's all because it's Mommy's Fault. Nuts.

8) You must behave and watch yourself around your children because they talk to the neighbors. 

9) Having children is directly correlated to the lowering of all social skills and acceptable and appropriate outside behavior. Use of the words "potty" and "tubby" and conversations concerning bodily functions are openly spoken about when B.C. (Before Children), you would have sooner died than discuss it over dinner. That and misnaming things and forgetting words altogether along with even the names of your children if there are multiples. And because of your awareness of your newly socially awkward status, you babble. Enough said. 

10) Lastly, the words, "STOP THAT!" Lose all meaning. 

I'm sure I have more discoveries that await me on my journey... 

Good night and good luck.