Ran out to an Open House at my daughter's school and then ran home so my husband could run out for his flight. And off he went. Kids are in bed reading or being quiet at least or maybe even sleeping, but in any case, all is quiet.
This is when I gather all my strength. It's like being in one of those insane strongman competitions. You've got to gather every last ounce of patience and serenity and concentrate it down into one complete stretch of time. It's not a marathon-type of longevity where you just pace yourself quietly and jog along, it's a condensed intensity that lasts for relatively short bursts of time until my husband returns and things can even back out again, until the next insane burst.
So, we've got school, story times, soccer, and church. I've got ideas for fun easy things we can do together. I've also the things to do perpetually to keep us clothed and fed and attempts at keeping the house looking unlike a tornado damaged sight. And in order to keep Mommy at peace, I have my closely guarded Mommy Time activities.
This is why I am such a rigid stickler for bedtimes during trips because I can't be peaceful and happy if I can't get a few moments of peace to myself. Let's be honest, being a mother is rewarding, sure, but I don't get elated after wiping a poopy bum, I don't just love popping up every thirty seconds from a single meal to get everybody else another portion, another napkin, more water, or to mop up and wipe up the third or fourth or fifth spill of the meal. It's really not my favorite thing to do to answer the same question over and over and over again. I love my kids and I do these things and more because I want them to have a good life and these are just the practical things that need doing right now, but when lights are out and it's time to be going to sleep, Mommy is re-charging. During trips, I make sure I get whatever I can get done during the day out of the way so that my evenings are my own. I've stacks of books (currently reading "I Still Dream About You" by Fannie Flagg and it's taking quite an amusing and interesting turn and so far, I'd say that I recommend it!) and this go around I've got the audiobook of "A Game of Thrones" so that I can be "reading" while keeping busy. I've got yarn and knitting projects going- it's a great de-stresser and there is nothing like the feeling of putting your hands to something, literally, and having a physical material outcome of something to wear or gift or use. "Look what I just made!" is the best feeling ever! So even when I feel like a complete failure, if I am sitting and knitting, it's like at least I've got SOMETHING. It makes sense to me and makes me feel better. Some Knitting Nana from PEI is mailing me a cute hat pattern, too! I contacted her from Ravelry (fantastic yarn crafting sight) and she offered to photocopy it and mail it. I was about to suggest an electronic means, but it was then that I realized she was probably an older woman and I didn't want to push my luck! How nice is she?! And then there is always online shopping (mostly browsing and planning) and movies.
So, just thinking about all those lovely things makes it easier to keep the kids happy and busy during Kid Time all day. And it keeps my mind off the fact that I am here and my husband gets to go to wonderful and fabulous places and I don't (I will not be bitter, I will not be jealous, I will not be bitter, I will NOT be jealous...)
So, that's where I am at right now. I am retreating into my happy place. So just remind me of all this when you catch me in one of my Mommy Tantrums when the kids are acting less than desirable and I'm about to throw myself into the river, ok? Thank you!
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