Hard Lessons All Around

Day 24
 8:03pm
 My children did not have the best of days. In fact, I made up a new little system that I felt was a sure fire win. A foolproof ticket to the fireworks. Nope. Didn't work.

 In fact, they even told the neighbor about it as I stood there, embarrassingly enough, calling their names to come back over to me and they were ignoring me to tell him all about my three strikes plan. Up side is they obviously understood it. Downside is instead of three happy little stickers by their names and a hop down the street to see the fireworks, they have three red X's and are fast asleep. Well, it's an upside for me because instead of having to drag them out in an hour, they are already in bed... Not looking forward to the booms that shall begin in an over an hour. So I sit here, exhausted having been prompted awake by the four year old at 5:45am informing me that the sun is, in fact, awake and so should we also be. I inform him every single morning that this is incorrect. I am still waiting for the enlightenment to hit him. I hope it does very soon for both our sakes.

 Here's the thing I don't get. I don't count myself a genius on any level and I know for certain I am not what you would call gifted in dealing with all manner of children, but I do consider myself to be not stupid. I am educated and even when comes to dealing with the kids, I have read myself crazy; reading up on all kinds of ways to deal with this and that and connecting and feeding and training and encouraging and whatever else, but sometimes I feel like we are the ones being duped. My kids don't care if I have a positive feedback philosophy in dealing with them or if I am a rewards and punishment kind of parent. They don't care if I tell them how I feel and ask them how they are feeling. I mean, I am sure they do care on a basic level that Mommy cares and is talking to them, but really, today is a day where I feel like I thought too much and definitely talked too much. What it boiled down to is that they wore me out because I had to repeat simple instructions too many times. I reminded them over and over and over again the events of the evening that they should be mindful and listen and think twice before making their choices. All because I wanted them to want to go somewhere enough so that they would listen! They had their good moments, but the not so good moments overtook too much and at one point Mommy and Jennifer had to spar. Mommy is cut and dry- no one has been quick to obey, I've given them fair warning, they obviously understand as they can explain in great detail the actions and consequences, NO FIREWORKS. We are all tired and to take them would be a disservice to myself and to them, not to mention makes Mommy out to be a wishy washy liar and I have just dealt with my oldest THREE TIMES today about lying. But then Jennifer, the personality pushover part of me, feels terrible. You only live once. These are supposed to be the fun kid things that they are supposed to remember, that time when Mommy took us all to the fireworks... but what comes after is the part that I don't want to know what happens next, because it would probably end with me yelling at a child in the streets in the night like a crazy person so it's all for the best, it is what it is and I'm NOT about to wake them up and I do hope they sleep soundly through the noise.

 All this to say, being a Mommy is hard. It's hard to balance things and when we feel we've made a decision we beat ourselves up about it, at least I know I do. In all fairness to myself, my kids aren't missing out on anything. They've been to fireworks before, they will go again, we are definitely celebrating tomorrow all day with cookout fun, so I really shouldn't feel too badly at all... right?

Tomorrow is a new day. It's Independence Day and worthy of celebration and fun and relaxing. At least the kids will be worn out again tomorrow night.

Here's to a healthy and happy Fourth of July to all ...and to an easier day!