I was a very young bride. I was married on November 2, 2002, just nine days shy of my 22nd birthday. I wouldn't have changed the teeniest thing for the world on a string. Being young and getting married can be a tricky and sometimes treacherous path to walk in life, but we have managed it, I believe with love, grace, and humor these past seven years. There has been much more laughter than tears in our life together, I am happy to report, but also lessons learned. Most of them quite humorous, most embarrassingly so, but, again, this makes for good laughs and happy memories and I wouldn't have it any other way...
I can't speak for anyone but myself, but I had concocted a few myths and had ideals about what my marriage would be like. Oh yes, I listened and absorbed most advice from an observational perspective, "That is nice to know and I am glad it worked for THEM, but we will see what works for US..." While that can be true, some things are universal and some lessons come to some of us more stubborn folks a little harder...
1) I will never, EVER leave the bathroom stinky and/or fart in front of my husband.
Unless you share separate bathrooms or have some condition that leaves your poop and/or farts odorless and silent (lucky you!) this has proven to be a complete impossibility. My mother will attest to the fact that I swore this up and down for years. I still remember this oath to myself and God knows I try to live up to my end of the bargain, but we have never lived in a home over 1000 square feet with more than one bathroom. As I say, this is an impossibility and my husband still finds this all quite hilarious and me utterly mortified.
2) I will never "let myself go" ie: gain weight, let my roots grow out, leave my legs unshaven, and other uncomely, unsightly manners of lesser wives who have become mothers and can't seem to hold it together.
Oh how young and stupid I was. Weight gain was inevitable because the starvation diet that I had myself on so as not to be a "fat bride" could not have lasted much longer or I would have killed and eaten someone. Three years after the wedding let's add some stress and two, more or less, back to back pregnancies and well, there you go, an extra thirty pounds that just won't go away! As for the hair, when I was on my own and paying for my own things or even when people gifted me with hair cuts at the salon, I never gave it a second thought. Then in marriage, when money started getting tight and at home hair dying proved unsuccessful (oh I have so many funny stories!!), and then when children came about, not only was the time not there like it used to be, as I do not have a nanny or the extra money for a babysitter, etc., some things just slip quietly away and six months later one wakes up and realizes the state of things... That goes for the legs and any other unsightly issue as well.
3) I would not be his servant ie: fold his underwear, clean up after him, cater meals, etc. This is the twenty first century and we are going to be a twenty first century couple! Equals. Fair share!
Let's face it, men are men and women are women. There are aberrations, but generally speaking, married men don't tend to be the best when it comes to household management chores. Underwear ends up shoved into drawers, things that have been "cleaned up" according to his standards are really just not clean at all whatsoever, meals become "meals" a general idea of what it might have been, but something utterly unappetizing and sometimes indistinguishable as a palatable food item. So, for the sake of one and all, especially after children arrived, it became, like good old Frank Sinatra sang, My Way.
4) I wouldn't be whiny and needy or take it personally if my husband wants to hang out with his friends instead of me.
Guys need their friends and need to do their crazy male bonding, shooting each other with paint ball guns, sleeping out in the cold on the ground, eating dried fruit and hot dogs cooked on a stick, for whatever reason. I have gotten annoyed in the past (and probably will in the future, even though I will try my hardest not to), but I do consciously recognize and attempt to understand that men need to play, just like women need to chat. There was one time that I gave my husband the cold shoulder for an entire weekend because he went camping when I didn't want him to and while I had my reasons, it still wasn't very nice of me and again, another one of my myths, busted.
5) It was going to be a long, long time before we had kids, if at all.
When we first got married, I wasn't sure that I had wanted children. I was young and didn't even want to think about it. In all honesty, I think that I thought I would be an awful mother anyway and I didn't even want to try because that wouldn't be something I could just quit, if I sucked at it. Lo and behold, two and half years into our life together, I caught the baby bug and had the realization that children would just add to the "US" that we had become and I couldn't imagine a more beautiful thing which leads me to my sixth myth that has more to do with procreating than marriage itself...
6) I really didn't think that we would ACTUALLY get pregnant.
Okay, I am not THAT stupid that I didn't know how it all works. I did. It was just that idea of it actually happening to us, that and the idea of having something happen within us entirely in and also so completely out of our control, just seemed so absurd. I mean, God in his infinite wisdom wouldn't let the two of US be solely responsible for a human being. It was beyond absurd. A part of me was testing fate. Does this ACTUALLY happen? Um, yes. It does, and it did. To us. Almost immediately. So one of my first thoughts? "I guess our stuff actually works" or something of that nature. It's hard to relate the actual thoughts I may have had as I was in a complete electric state of shock for about three days. I think Andrew was, too.
7) Not my myths, but common ones: Life isn't all fun and games. Real life isn't a fairy tale.
Oh yes it is!! If you make it that way. I truly believe so many things that so many people see as a drudgery in life are not meant to be so. If it becomes that way, then maybe it has something to do with the person. Our life together has not been a fairy tale, but it is made of the same stuff that fairy tales are made of and my glass slipper always seems to fit because I make it fit. My husband will always and forever be, no matter what, my very own Prince Charming. My kids? Sugar and spice and everything nice. No matter where we live, it's an enchanted castle. Every night can be Date Night, even if it's just a quick snack together, planning our schedule.
We aren't perfect and we don't always or have ever really had perfect circumstances, but they ARE perfect to us because it is OUR life. I have learned a lot of lessons in the past seven years and I am thrilled to keep learning new lessons for the next seventy-seven. I could not have dreamed up a better life even with all of our problems and ridiculous ideas and crazy quirks (mostly mine!), it is still practically perfect to me.
I love you, Andrew.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Saturday, October 24, 2009
CheeseFake & Chocolate Fudge Pudding Pie
You know I love my chocolate desserts and wandering down the baking aisle in the supermarket doesn't help sometimes, but this was born from that detour and with my husband's encouragement that, no, I shouldn't buy bags of sugar and chocolate just because it was cold and I felt like baking, instead he suggested non fat pudding as we stood next to the pre made pie crusts and *BAM* I heard trumpets and wanted a pudding pie!
My mother in law also gets kudos for this because she is the one who told me that if you take non fat ricotta cheese and mix it with the instant no fat and no sugar cheesecake pudding, you get a cheesecake fake (Thanks Barbara!!). The taste and texture are slightly different, but it worked for this!
I grabbed a chocolate pie crust which isn't too bad calorie and fat wise because either way, one does need a scant amount of butter to create a crust, a box of instant fat free cheesecake pudding, fat free chocolate fudge pudding, non fat ricotta and low fat whipped topping and lastly, you need skim milk to mix up the chocolate pudding.
Mixed the ricotta and cheesecake pudding and put it in the pie crust and after I mixed up the chocolate pudding with the milk per the packaging instructions, I put that on top and then once the pudding had set in the fridge, I slathered on the whipped topping.
And there you go... Doesn't hold a candle to chocolate cheesecake from the Cheesecake Factory or anything like that and yes, there is a slight chemical after taste from the non fat pudding, in my opinion, but it isn't half bad when you want something sugary and chocolatey without making yourself feel like fitting into your pants the next day is tantamount to climbing Everest...
Just don't eat the whole thing. One slice'll do!
My mother in law also gets kudos for this because she is the one who told me that if you take non fat ricotta cheese and mix it with the instant no fat and no sugar cheesecake pudding, you get a cheesecake fake (Thanks Barbara!!). The taste and texture are slightly different, but it worked for this!
I grabbed a chocolate pie crust which isn't too bad calorie and fat wise because either way, one does need a scant amount of butter to create a crust, a box of instant fat free cheesecake pudding, fat free chocolate fudge pudding, non fat ricotta and low fat whipped topping and lastly, you need skim milk to mix up the chocolate pudding.
Mixed the ricotta and cheesecake pudding and put it in the pie crust and after I mixed up the chocolate pudding with the milk per the packaging instructions, I put that on top and then once the pudding had set in the fridge, I slathered on the whipped topping.
And there you go... Doesn't hold a candle to chocolate cheesecake from the Cheesecake Factory or anything like that and yes, there is a slight chemical after taste from the non fat pudding, in my opinion, but it isn't half bad when you want something sugary and chocolatey without making yourself feel like fitting into your pants the next day is tantamount to climbing Everest...
Just don't eat the whole thing. One slice'll do!
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Fat Pants
Getting healthy and losing weight are hard feats. They must be or there wouldn't be so many overweight and unhealthy people around. I have been on the band wagon and subsequently fallen off enough times to know how hard it is. I don't like talking about my issues publicly (who does?!) or telling people that I might be having a hard time dealing with changes, but I don't have to verbalize any of the details, really. Anyone can see it on my plump, pink face. I gain weight and I gain it fast. Why? Because I eat! Eating in and of itself is necessary in life, but I have had to come to the realization that what may be permissible for others in their body chemistry is just not permissible in mine. Does it suck? Yes. Is it fair? Of course not, but we are always told how unfair life can be and this is one of those unfair things that I defy and end up only injuring myself ie: weight gain. Dairy does not agree with me. Neither does bread. Chocolate is a ridiculous craving of mine. Also, I am a huge fan of the late night date night dinner and snack fetes with my husband that add up to a whole lot more of munching and crunching and sitting around than I need. Furthermore, I love to cook. I like to concoct new and tasty treats to make my friends and family and that takes a lot of trials and tastings to get things right. All this adds up. Dump on top of that the busyness of life and kids and events that never end and health has appeared to taken a back seat and one day you see a recent picture of yourself and are absolutely and completely utterly embarrassed and equally horrified about the state of things. Do I like admitting this in a blog? Not really, but like I said. It's not really a secret. It's more than apparent and in efforts of my early resolutions and living authentically and without regrets this is one of those things that I always end up regretting about myself. My lack of foresight and self control where it matters most in the long run, my health. It affects my entire family and, frankly, I have been more than selfish and indulgent where it shouldn't matter, food.
I am not writing this for anyone but myself, really. If it helps someone, great, but I need to write it and post it for me because I will feel more responsible and held accountable to hold myself at a higher standard than I have been. I have done well in the past, but I always seem to find myself back in this position and there are reasons but they are inconsequential. The point is, I am going to be 29 in less than a month and this is not at all where I pictured myself to be in any capacity personally.
The weird thing is that despite the weight and the whole gallbladder issue this past year, I have been given an overall clean bill of health. I have perfect levels for all the things that seem to count. Everything is great. Furthermore, in spite of the weight, I can still jog up and downstairs, run around in circles after my kids, pick up our massive hunk of a stroller, drag in groceries by the bagfuls, but none of that seems to count so much when you have to suck in as though your life depended on it and pray that your jeans button once you've finally gotten the zipper up. Even once that feat is accomplished, there is still that awful muffin top to attempt cover and the rest of the day to pray as you are out and about that no one notices too much. Oh well. These things happen and I can't be too embarrassed because I know I am not the only one. Most women deal with these same issues in their own ways. Some are better about controlling it than others or hiding it than others and some are just obsessive about their weight loss regime as others are about their weight gain and covering it up. So, whatever side of the spectrum one falls, there are scads of women (and even men) who are struggling. So this is my struggle. I am human and this is me. I make no apology, but to myself.
Again, I hate laying myself so bare, but I have to face the facts that I am really not, as it is more than apparent and it would be ignorant for me to ignore the elephant in the room (ha ha!). Hopefully this will be just another big kick in the seat of my "fat pants" that helps me along. I am already starting to feel motivated and better about things.... Thanks for listening.
I am not writing this for anyone but myself, really. If it helps someone, great, but I need to write it and post it for me because I will feel more responsible and held accountable to hold myself at a higher standard than I have been. I have done well in the past, but I always seem to find myself back in this position and there are reasons but they are inconsequential. The point is, I am going to be 29 in less than a month and this is not at all where I pictured myself to be in any capacity personally.
The weird thing is that despite the weight and the whole gallbladder issue this past year, I have been given an overall clean bill of health. I have perfect levels for all the things that seem to count. Everything is great. Furthermore, in spite of the weight, I can still jog up and downstairs, run around in circles after my kids, pick up our massive hunk of a stroller, drag in groceries by the bagfuls, but none of that seems to count so much when you have to suck in as though your life depended on it and pray that your jeans button once you've finally gotten the zipper up. Even once that feat is accomplished, there is still that awful muffin top to attempt cover and the rest of the day to pray as you are out and about that no one notices too much. Oh well. These things happen and I can't be too embarrassed because I know I am not the only one. Most women deal with these same issues in their own ways. Some are better about controlling it than others or hiding it than others and some are just obsessive about their weight loss regime as others are about their weight gain and covering it up. So, whatever side of the spectrum one falls, there are scads of women (and even men) who are struggling. So this is my struggle. I am human and this is me. I make no apology, but to myself.
Again, I hate laying myself so bare, but I have to face the facts that I am really not, as it is more than apparent and it would be ignorant for me to ignore the elephant in the room (ha ha!). Hopefully this will be just another big kick in the seat of my "fat pants" that helps me along. I am already starting to feel motivated and better about things.... Thanks for listening.
Friday, October 9, 2009
Resolved
This year has escaped me. I am not sure if anyone else feels that way, but I remember that "just trying to make it through" in 2008, that I was so relieved to see 2009 and had ideas and projects and grand hopes and POOF!! I woke up five minutes ago and it's almost mid October and holiday planning is underway and we all know how fast this season goes and looking back, I don't think I really achieved one thing I had planned this year. Oh yes, a ton of changes occurred and events, well, happened, but nothing went as planned and nothing I wanted to do, got done.
It's not that I didn't try anything new or just sat around twiddling my thumbs all year, because I didn't. I was super busy just trying to stay afloat in each situation. Which is really no way to live. If there is anything I have learned this year, it is this: we cannot let our circumstances dictate how we are going to live our lives. I feel as though this past year swallowed me up and is just now spitting me out. Frankly, I don't care for that and if I can help it at all, I refuse to let it happen again.
Lessons learned and maybe it's just that this happens sometimes in life where time just kinda eats itself and we find ourselves elsewhere picking up the pieces, but I don't want this to snow ball and to wake up at seventy-five and sigh. So, in efforts to take control and make me a better me and 2010 a better year, I am resolved.
I am resolved not to let petty disappointments ruin my ambitions.
I am resolved to live as I intend to live, not how I think that others think I should be living.
I am resolved to be myself and not some version of myself that I think others want me to be.
I am resolved to live without regret.
I am resolved to find peace and joy in every situation I find myself in regardless of surrounding circumstances.
I resolve to be a better example to my children in all things; in health and patience and kindness and love.
Yes, I am resolved, about three months early, but it seems they way things are going, getting a handle on things way too early seems to be much better than learning a hard lesson way too late...
It's not that I didn't try anything new or just sat around twiddling my thumbs all year, because I didn't. I was super busy just trying to stay afloat in each situation. Which is really no way to live. If there is anything I have learned this year, it is this: we cannot let our circumstances dictate how we are going to live our lives. I feel as though this past year swallowed me up and is just now spitting me out. Frankly, I don't care for that and if I can help it at all, I refuse to let it happen again.
Lessons learned and maybe it's just that this happens sometimes in life where time just kinda eats itself and we find ourselves elsewhere picking up the pieces, but I don't want this to snow ball and to wake up at seventy-five and sigh. So, in efforts to take control and make me a better me and 2010 a better year, I am resolved.
I am resolved not to let petty disappointments ruin my ambitions.
I am resolved to live as I intend to live, not how I think that others think I should be living.
I am resolved to be myself and not some version of myself that I think others want me to be.
I am resolved to live without regret.
I am resolved to find peace and joy in every situation I find myself in regardless of surrounding circumstances.
I resolve to be a better example to my children in all things; in health and patience and kindness and love.
Yes, I am resolved, about three months early, but it seems they way things are going, getting a handle on things way too early seems to be much better than learning a hard lesson way too late...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)