Last Days of Summer

Technically summer lasts until mid-September, I think, but once school starts up, it's officially FALL in my book. So, in a week, we are settling in for the cooler weather, the changing leaves and the smell of new books and pencil shavings.

We exhausted our summer lists and I think we did most of the items we planned on there. And now we are already talking about Halloween and Thanksgiving and I just hope that things sort of settle slightly because as is the way with me, I am behind on my reading and I've got four library books at one time and I am wondering when I am going to get to sit and read them... Perhaps during the hours of 1am and 5am. Which is when I've planned my sleeping time. Oh well.

My husband has trips and I'm ever so grateful to have my mom and mom-in-law here to help with the Little One's first birthday party and for My Big Girl's first day at a new school in the First Grade and for my Little Man's last year of Pre-school! Big things going on and, oh boy, so busy! This time last year, I was uber pregnant and ridiculously cranky and hot and waiting to give birth. I cannot believe it's already a year later. I feel like I had her and jumped out of the hospital bed and hit the ground running and haven't stopped since. The cliche of "time flying" really could not be more accurate about this year. It's been like the scenery whipping past the Road Runner as he is being chased by Wylie Coyote. Except, I'm not being chased by a coyote, just time.

I was excited about summer and all the changes that came to pass, but I can't say I'm sorry to see it go. I am very much looking forward to fall and all it has to offer...

That being said, I've got a week of party things, school readying, teacher gift preparing, meal creating and then-some ahead of me. In true Jennifer-fashion, I should be doing a thousand and three other things, but I have chosen the one thing that really does NOT need to get done to do.

Coffee is ready to go and tomorrow is yet another day where we hit the ground at a run... Let the Fall Games begin.

Me: At the Spa

If you've been reading, then you know it's been a long summer. So, my lovely husband insisted I take some time out for pampering. (He is hands down the best man ever and I feel sorry for everyone else because my husband is the best.) He made an appointment for me to have a facial and a manicure and a pedicure. That's all afternoon at the spa/salon. Love. Love. Love.

Here's the thing though, and maybe it's just me, but sometimes I kind of don't even want to go to the salon because I know it's going to be a loooooong time until I can get back (and they always make a point to tell me how long it's been) and it's glaringly apparent why I am there in the first place, so why do they have to keep pointing out all the flaws? Our flaws are why we need such places in the first place, right? It's a vicious cycle. They get us there because we get worn out and need pampering and  upkeep so that we can look like somewhat normal humans again (I'm specifically referring to frazzled Mommies, here) and so we can relax, but while we are there, they just keep harping on all the flaws and pushing all their products that we apparently desperately need. But if i had all these awesome products and the fifteen hours a day it takes to look flawless, then why would I need to go and pay THEM? It's crazy.

This is in no way an indictment against salons and I will absolutely continue to go especially if my husband insists, I'm just saying...

The Facial Technician girl (yes, I am calling her "girl" because I am not kidding when I say she looked about seventeen) informed me that everyone, even those with "good skin" still "need" a facial about once a month. Huh. Ok. I've had three in my life. And I think I'm one of the "good skin" people...
She also informed me that my face is dehydrated. Oops. And then comes the question that I totally dread: What products do you use?

That question stops my heart and makes my blood run cold. A panic sets in like none other because if I answer it wrong, then I get a massive lecture on what I should be using and then the Product Placement Portion of the Beauty Visit begins in full force. I find myself wracking my brain for the most expensive and serious looking products that I've ever picked up and subsequently put down in Sephora before I jaunt over to CVS and buy a Neutrogena equivalent for about $4. I don't DARE tell her that most nights I pass out cold with my make-up still on and then wake up the next morning and hit the ground running while just passing a damp cloth over the smudged spots on my face in order to salvage it the best I can just in case I don't get a chance to completely wash and re-do everything before I have to run out the door. I don't think she would quite understand that I don't have the time to do a pore treatment on my nose (which she said was terribly congested- the pores, not the nasal passages, I had to ask...) three, yes, THREE times a day. I ended up mentioning the one fancy brand name moisturizer that I do splurge on and that I use sparingly to make it LAST and she seemed pretty pleased about that. Whew.

Also, one of the reasons I am leery of spa treatments where I am touched a lot is because I am prone to nervous bouts of laughter that have a tendency to become uncontrollable. I start thinking about the absurdity of the whole situation: a random, very serious person is touching my bare skin while I lay in various reposes and states of clothed-ness and it strikes me as amusing and then I giggle and then I am aware of how inappropriate my giggling is and it makes me laugh and then we all know when we try to NOT laugh it makes us laugh more... Anyways, you see. I was able to survive the neck and shoulder massage with only a few, what I am sure came across as odd and creepy, smirks and chuckles.

All in all, it was lovely and relaxing and complete with tinkly New Age music and aromatherapy stuff piping about in the air. Loved it.

Then, came my nails. The hard part was over (making it through a spa treatment without being totally weird!)! But then the nail girl stood by me the ENTIRE TIME I was looking at the nail colors. So, I start babbling. I started talking about "the fall colors" and "finding a polish that goes with skin tone" and while these crazy things are tumbling out of my mouth, I am completely aware that my hair has NOT been brushed, I merely have mascara on and it's smudged now, I'm in the only pair of jeans that fit and not even well and I have to remember not to raise my right arm on this shirt because their is a hole in the armpit and I KEEP FORGETTING to NOT WEAR IT or simply THROW IT OUT. I don't have cable, I couldn't tell you a thing that is going on in the world today, and my major concern is that we get the bathroom in our home completed before next year. And I am babbling on and on about a nail polish color like I know something. Eventually I just stopped and picked one. But seriously. I have a major socializing issue. Namely, that I have lost my mind completely.

So, other than my complete social awkwardness, I had the awesomest afternoon at the spa. Maybe I should keep up with this whole "I'm a wreck" M.O. I've got going so that I get more of the, "you REALLY should go and take care of yourself" treatment," don't you think?

Weaning and TMI

I never thought it would be so hard. It was easy this time to last this long, but THIS is hard.

With my first, breastfeeding was literally a hellish ordeal. I will spare you the gory details, but needless to say, it was not pretty and by three months, I ditched it completely and embraced the bottle.

With my son, it was easier. We lasted about seven or eight months and had supplemented mostly at night so I could get rest. At one point, my husband and I were going away on an anniversary trip and I made sure he was weaned before we left and that was that. No muss. No fuss. No emotional attachments to the process or weird physical discomfort of any kind.

This time... I have no idea. She will be a year old September 3rd and I am down to two feedings a day. I know that I can nurse her for as long as I want, but with the fall coming and the other two in school, I really needed a plan to cut out the day feedings and that went relatively easy... sort of. Oh she is ok. It's ME that is having a hard time. I really haven't a clue why. My body feels like it's revolting against me. I'm emotional- The Rainbow Connection song that Kermit sings? It came on today as we were in the kitchen after lunch and I just started crying. I can blame hormones, right? For the morning and evening nursings, she is only half interested and stops after just a few minutes and is just... done. Logically, I know this is a good thing. This is just another one of those steps in life towards her being an autonomous, independent adult one day. But I feel rejected. She doesn't really need me anymore. She eats food and gets her milk and I'm probably doing it more for me than for her at this point. It's just another one of those processes of detaching one step at a time. It's hard.

Also, I feel kind of bad about not feeling like this with the first two. I never had any of these thoughts or emotions with either of them. When I was done, it was done and I was fine. But with her, it's just different. This is hard.

By October, this will all be over and she'll practically be a toddler. My son with be in Pre-K and my oldest girl will be in First Grade and then everyone is in college and married and I'm an old lady... Ok. I'm over-reacting, obviously. But it really feels like that right now. When did time speed up? I don't like it. Not one bit.

I AM looking forward to my over-emotional-ness (not really a word, I know) to subside. It's absurd. If I start to get choked up again in the cereal aisle of the supermarket over a Celine Dion song, please, someone whack me with a box of Wheaties, would ya? I promise, I will thank you.

On Teeth

I've read somewhere that if you constantly dream of losing your teeth then it possibly means that you have a deep rooted fear of aging, growing old, and losing your youthfulness.

What about when our children lose their teeth? How's that supposed to make us feel? I know I'm not old, but it doesn't make me feel incredibly young.

Kids get super excited about this for some reason. I've been hearing for the past year and a half now about teeth: Why aren't her teeth loose yet? Why are other kids losing their teeth and she isn't? When do they get loose? Why aren't they loose yet? Maybe if I give her incredibly crunchy foods it will help in the process...

My oldest daughter has been complaining about her lower front tooth hurting. Sometimes it's hard to gauge with her what's going on and if things are as she says they are. Yesterday morning she started screaming in excitement about her tooth being loose. I hate to say it, but with this child, I must always remain a skeptic until I see with my own eyes and can evaluate. I stuck my finger in her mouth and it wiggled. It was/is, in fact, loose. My initial reaction: (and yes, I completely veiled it as excitement for my child) Complete Horror. I was surprised with myself. Slightly upset that I am so emotional over a tooth. It's like those dreams that I never had really had are being realized in my reality and it's not ME loosing teeth, it's my child. I have a child. Old enough. To have teeth fall out of her mouth. And not by accident.

That's insane.

I'm happy for her. We've had the discussion about the Tooth Fairy: I told her it's all just for pretend (I know! I know! I just don't want to be known as a liar later!!!), it's Mommy and Daddy pretending and it's ok for her to pretend there's a Tooth Fairy because other kids might really believe and that's ok. And I told her that even though I know it's me, even I still like to pretend there is a Tooth Fairy, too. Mommy is just crazy like that.

And now begins the debate on the going rate for teeth. I said $5- there are only so many baby teeth and this IS the first one. My husband was shocked and said it should be a quarter. I talked him up to $1. I guess he's right. We have three kids, each with what? Twenty teeth that will eventually fall out? That's $300 Tooth Fairy Dollars that come out of our pockets... Ok. So maybe $1 it is!

And now I am certain to cry when the baby's teeth start making their appearance.

It really DOES go by fast...

And Today We Rest

It's been a week already? You've GOT to be kidding me!

It's been a pretty good week. I've had a ton of things to do, which is always better than having absolutely nothing to do. My husband has been in and out and is IN this weekend and it's the first weekend since June that he has been here for a family weekend in it's entirety. He was supposed to be out AGAIN but it got cancelled! Hooray for US! It feels normal and awesome and I am still coming down from the intensity of this stressful summer of moving and settling and construction and a month long trek of being without him here. I am sure it might sound weird, but having him home is an adjustment for us all. But we LOVE it. Of course.

Gearing up for having company and for Baby Girl's FIRST BIRTHDAY! Already!? And SCHOOL!

Loads of projects in the works and the change of seasons feels fantastic. Even if the weather isn't quite as cool as I like just yet, the anticipation of it is just enough for now to invigorate and keep me motivated... and I'm sure you can tell that I'm practically thrumming and vibrating from two very large cups of coffee this morning and I am thinking of making more for a chilled ice beverage later... yes, I just might do that.

Have found time to knit and cook and read and play with the kids and it's been lovely. These things truly feed the soul. I have to say, it feels so good to write a happy post, full of peace (even though things aren't always peaceful) and to not feel like I am bellyaching about my woes of parenthood. Oh boy, do I have some, but today, they are easy to ignore. Sometimes just having the extra adult presence within our home, the Daddy's Home vibe, just somehow changes everything.

I hope everyone has these beautiful calm eyes of a day in the hurricane that can sometimes be our lives. It's a breathe of life. Really.

If You Can't Say Something Nice...

Yesterday was not a good day. I really didn't have anything nice to say at all by the end of the day so I chose to say nothing at all. I was most certainly not on top of my game as a parent. I was just as bad as the kids. When they yelled, I yelled back and just tried to be louder. It's easier to fall into their little games than one might think. Needless to say, I am quite ashamed of myself and not that it is an excuse, but I was very tired and I'd had enough. It's hard to be a mom and face your breaking points. You aren't supposed to have them, but we do. It's what makes us human. I was at mine. Today, I got to get out without the kids for a few hours and it was lovely. Coming back to them and the bad reports...again, is not so lovely. Sometimes, it makes it very un-worth it to even leave them. But they need the space as much as I do, I'm sure.

I know I'm not perfect and I know I don't always do the right things or handle things in the best possible way, but I know I'm not completely horrible, so what is it that I'm doing wrong? I can't help but think it's just their personalities coupled with our lifestyle and I've just got to keep it up. My mom says that kids are just kids and sometimes you just have to get them through these rough patches. I think this summer was definitely a rough patch. For all of us. But it's almost over.

Tomorrow, my husband comes home and has work peppered throughout the week but at least he is coming and going. Which is always better than just GONE. School starting will help and I am looking into programs for the kids. I don't like the whole idea of carting children about for the sake of busyness, but they are so very active. I am thinking I need to set my own ideas aside and get them enrolled in SOMETHING. ANYTHING. Well, not anything... jai alai anyone? Underwater basket weaving? How about the accordion? They need to master something obscure enough to set them apart for their college applications... I'm just kidding.

Well, only half kidding...

This Is What a Tired Blog Post Looks Like

I am tempted to just go to bed. My husband always asks why I don't just go to bed when the kids are in bed... because then I don't get to enjoy the quiet because I'd be too busy wasting it up with my sleeping. Hello!

The coffee didn't cut it today. It was kind of sad. It was a long night last night complete with a crying baby, a roller out of bedd-er, and the inevitable early riser. Trifecta of sleep interruptions. Slowly make my way down to the coffee and there is a mere trickle left of creamer. Since my stomach can't seem to handle black coffee anymore, that was completely disappointing. I used milk instead but there wasn't much of that left either and I chugged it down the best I could, but the fog continued until after lunch when I was able to bust out the Starbucks gift card! Oh I went for the big one. Venti. I could feel my body getting jittery after a while, but the fog continued. It's still here. I'm sitting in it right now. I thought about going to the store to get more creamer so that tomorrow morning would go better, but I didn't have the strength. How pitiful is that? How hard can it be to run to the market to pick up an item and then run back home? Today I would have rather been a bomb squad defuser person than to deal with taking three children to the market. It's THAT crazy. So tomorrow morning, it's black coffee and the trek to the market.

Is this really my life? Making big detailed plans to make it to the market for creamer? How lame (and by lame, I really mean awesome) am I?!

Moral of the Story: Isn't it obvious? Get sleep! And always buy extra creamer. You're welcome.

The Lists That Never End

It's been quite the summer and school is just around the corner. I'd be lying if I said that I would miss having the kids at home. I think it will be good for them to be with friends and learning new things and have the structure that school hours provide. Both of the schools are in walking distance and I am actually looking forward to the cool, fall walks. I'm sure winter will be a tad different, but some chilly, snow filled walks will probably be lovely.

I feel like I am falling behind on all of my projects and all the things I want to do and all the things that I need to be doing to keep our home and our lives running smoothly... well, things rarely go smoothly, but at least they go. How does anyone else do this? I wonder what other people do to keep things up. I have the lists and try to get things going during the day so that I don't have to spend all night on dishes and laundry and emails and sweeping and all the other little tasks that come up for life. Even when I get a chance to sit at night, I am still working on something, whether it's on the computer or yarning or folding. It never ends. Is that just the way it is? Pecking away at things the best you can until the time comes when somehow everything shakes out? To be honest, there are times when days go by and I'm shocked because I realize I haven't had the time to wash my hair or shave my legs... Isn't that gross? Is this just the phase of having small ones at home? I tell myself that. That it won't always be like this. That I should enjoy at least having the excuse to be such a mess... (??!!). I really don't want to be a stinky dirty mess... I don't intend to be, really. Sometimes it just happens. It definitely is easier when my husband is home... and of course that is much more incentive to be clean and groomed than when he isn't here, obviously. Anyway. I guess it's always a trade off for something at this point in life...

And I just realized that I haven't fed and taken the dog out yet, poor, patient little furry buddy! See....

Must be off...

Three Too Many

When I was nine months pregnant with my third child, my mom took me to have a pedicure. It felt fantastic. I do remember that... But the conversation with the nail technician left me slightly annoyed. She asked me if this was my first child. I said that it was, in fact, my third child on the way. She looked shocked and made a point to tell me that it was too many children and that they all weren't going to get the proper amount of love and attention. Thanks.

It's amazing how much more poignant the negative can be and how much more quickly it comes to mind than perhaps positive things the fifty or more other people say, the people who possibly know me more personally and know my family and mention that I make a good mom or that I should keep having kids because the world needs prettier people (Yes, a very funny, lovely lady told me that! She's definitely one of my favorites!)... Along with those nice comments, though, that surly and opinionated nail woman's comment won't ever be forgotten. And today I definitely remembered it.

It was one of those days where each child was being particularly annoying and high maintenance. Well, the little one can't just wander off on her own just yet, but the other two SHOULD BY NOW be ABLE to SIT and PLAY ALONE! But no... I would set something up and dash off to clean up behind the previous wake of craziness and then another crash, scream and whines and yells would ensue and on top of Mess #1, there would be Mess  #2 and #3 and #4 occurring simultaneously. The Boy wanted help with his trains and then refused to clean up without help, The Little One just wants to crawl, but I can't leave her alone to do that and The Oldest... I don't know what is her deal, but if someone else has it, she wants it or one just like it. If she gets something, she makes a show of it until someone else wants it just as bad and then taunts. And she hovers. She hovers for information. I mentioned that I didn't want to do baths. I said, I was looking forward to just putting them into pjs and sending them off to bed and what does she do? She coerces her little brother to dump sand all over his head. Then, in the process of me using his shirt to brush him off, a round safety pin button he had pinned to his shirt came undone underneath the fabric and stuck him in the leg. Lovely.

I shouldn't feel guilty for having children. And when people say, "Oh! If you can't hack it then perhaps you shouldn't have had children." Well, that's kind of stupid because who knows BEFOREHAND if they can't deal. Who doesn't have pictures of the Von Trapp children dancing and singing in their heads and picture themselves as a sort of Maria who just prances in and has just the right things to say and soothes all the children in just the right ways at just the right time? I don't know quite if I had that in mind, but I certainly didn't envision myself as the mother hissing through gritted teeth at three little beings who seem to me to be completely out of their minds.

If you've never seen Bill Cosby: Himself then you really should take the time. Especially now, as a parent, his bit on how his wife used to be a lovely woman... and then what the children have turned her into... Watch it. You just might pee a little. And I believe he has five children. So, there is hope for me yet.

I Will Gladly Pay You Tuesday For a Hamburger Today

As is always the way, I spent a whole day cooking last week in order to have food ready for the weekend and this week and I've had to send some over to my parents' house. Did I make too much? No. The kids didn't like it. Of course.

I purposely made beef in the crockpot the way Meme makes it (because they've eaten that!) and I went to the trouble to make a huge casserole dish of scalloped potatoes (because who doesn't love creamy potatoes and cheese?) and we all like carrots (with the exception of Little Man who eats ketchup and tomato sauce) and I even made sweet glazed carrots on PURPOSE! And I've been picking at it for three days and had to share it yesterday with the family while the kids ate what? Bertucci's leftovers. Come on!

So I've got a huge casserole of homemade macaroni and cheese and turkey dogs left and if they don't eat that, then I'm going to find a homeless and hungry person to cook for instead of these kids who only seem to want restaurant food. Come on!

It's not that they are particularly picky. I would say in the grand scheme of things, my kids are pretty good about eating, for the most part... I think they do it on purpose. It's one plot amongst the many that they have to slowly and surely exhaust me and drive me completely bats... I'm kidding. But it is annoying.

Hanging on until Friday. Sometimes it feels like all I do is wait for my husband to return... That and cook food no one wants to eat.

Stay cool, My Friends.

On Laundry... And Other Things

I've figured out why children's laundry is so endless. Maybe others have come to this conclusion faster than I did, but I've had my epiphany concerning it recently. A laundry basket filled with adult sized clothing has a couple of shirts and pants and maybe a few other things and that's about it. Whip it about and in no time, pretty little orderly stacks of clothing. With baskets of child things however, it's because they are sooooo small there is infinitely more items in the basket. And did I mention they are small? So the sock matching for three separate little pairs of feet alone is enough to drive anyone mad as a hatter (which is why I love the barefooted-ness that summer provides, although loathe the heat). So, that's what I figured out. Also, even when my husband is gone on trips, I still seem to find articles of his clothing hidden throughout the laundry. So, even in his absence, I find myself still responsible for an extra clothing pile. I don't know how this is even possible, but it is. 

So, we are heading into another week on Trip Mode. My husband is washing up and getting ready to go and my son is, as I type this, in the bathroom sitting on the bathmat next to the tub chattering away to his Daddy. He is supposed to be quiet in bed with a book until he falls asleep, but I haven't the heart to insist he go to bed at the moment. I'm sure he misses his Daddy when he is gone. His only other male companion in the house is the dog... and the dog isn't overly fond of him as he is a bit rough and chases after him banging on drums and waves his snacks in front of his little pug nose and then jets off in the opposite direction never intending to share in the first place. Another reason I am looking forward to school because the distractions it provides with friends and fun and projects and what not definitely help make the time between the home-stays go faster. 

It will be here before I know it. I am just so glad to have made it through July in one piece. So, here we go again, for now anyway...

A Little Help From My Friends

If you are a Mommy or about to be one, then you know. You know how ridiculously hard things can be. Breast or bottle? Co-sleep or Ferberize? Disposable or cloth? Stroller or sling? And when they are screaming and crying in the night and you've tried everything and nothing seems to help, then what? It's not like a flow chart of If-Then always works on children. Because we know, in the trenches, sometimes nothing seems to work, or the oddest things seem to work or we find ourselves still dealing with pacifier attachment with a five-year-old because maybe it's all we knew to do and now we don't know what else to do... No judgment! I don't have all the answers, obviously. No one does. We all just do what we can, do what we know, figure things out as we go as Mommies. Your issues, are not my issues and so on and so forth. Your strengths just might be my weakness and that's ok. Aren't we in this together?

So why then are we all so belligerent and hostile with one another? Shouldn't we be more accepting of advice and ideas and more accepting of others' ways of doing things?

Let's all just back down and support one another. We should all listen to advice and not take it as a personal affront to our own parenting. I'll admit it: someone asks, "Oh! I see your little girl is doing XYZ, have you tried ABC?" and then the wheels start a'churning and the insecurity that I try so hard to quell begins to rage, "How do that know that I haven't already tried that? I must look like a massive idiot! Do they think I can't handle my child? This could be just a one time thing and already they have me pegged as One of Those Mothers! How dare they impose upon me and assume I'm ZYX!" And on and on it goes. When maybe they were just trying to help.

Even the stupidest things can set off The Insecurity Rocker. Today I was ordering a party kit for my baby girl and it comes with invitations with a picture of her in the center and I sent off what I thought was a cute picture. Immediately a reply comes back- critical of the quality of picture and a comment about it being from a phone. There it goes. I was set off.

"I'm NOT a photographer! God forbid I don't have the perfect eye for the perfect pictures for my children!" and on and on and on. The woman was just trying to do her job and get the best picture possible for ME on something I PAID for that I ordered. She wasn't calling me a bad mother because I take crappy phone pictures of my kids. But that's what it felt like.

As a mom we feel the pressure. We've seen the jokes. We are chef, doctor, nurse, driver, maid, seamstress, personal entertainer, hair dresser, personal stylist, protector, director, and the list goes on and on ad infinitum. Yet, somehow, no matter what, in just our Trying to Be the Best Mom We Can Be, something always falls short, someone says something and there it goes... the raging insecurity. Maybe it's just me, but it's definitely something I struggle with and I have always had a sore spot for this one. I'm not a great photographer. I'm busy living and enjoying the moments and then when they are gone, I think, "Oh! That would have been a great picture!" but even that thought is fleeting because I'm already on to the next thing and I console myself that at least we will all have the great memories...

All that to say, we all do our best for our kids and as moms, we should rally behind and support each others' efforts and we shouldn't go off our Insanity Rockers if someone has advice or makes an unrelated comment about something... I know I try. And I will try. What do you say?

Mommies of the World Unite. Oh, Ladies... We are all in this together.