If you are a Mommy or about to be one, then you know. You know how ridiculously hard things can be. Breast or bottle? Co-sleep or Ferberize? Disposable or cloth? Stroller or sling? And when they are screaming and crying in the night and you've tried everything and nothing seems to help, then what? It's not like a flow chart of If-Then always works on children. Because we know, in the trenches, sometimes nothing seems to work, or the oddest things seem to work or we find ourselves still dealing with pacifier attachment with a five-year-old because maybe it's all we knew to do and now we don't know what else to do... No judgment! I don't have all the answers, obviously. No one does. We all just do what we can, do what we know, figure things out as we go as Mommies. Your issues, are not my issues and so on and so forth. Your strengths just might be my weakness and that's ok. Aren't we in this together?
So why then are we all so belligerent and hostile with one another? Shouldn't we be more accepting of advice and ideas and more accepting of others' ways of doing things?
Let's all just back down and support one another. We should all listen to advice and not take it as a personal affront to our own parenting. I'll admit it: someone asks, "Oh! I see your little girl is doing XYZ, have you tried ABC?" and then the wheels start a'churning and the insecurity that I try so hard to quell begins to rage, "How do that know that I haven't already tried that? I must look like a massive idiot! Do they think I can't handle my child? This could be just a one time thing and already they have me pegged as One of Those Mothers! How dare they impose upon me and assume I'm ZYX!" And on and on it goes. When maybe they were just trying to help.
Even the stupidest things can set off The Insecurity Rocker. Today I was ordering a party kit for my baby girl and it comes with invitations with a picture of her in the center and I sent off what I thought was a cute picture. Immediately a reply comes back- critical of the quality of picture and a comment about it being from a phone. There it goes. I was set off.
"I'm NOT a photographer! God forbid I don't have the perfect eye for the perfect pictures for my children!" and on and on and on. The woman was just trying to do her job and get the best picture possible for ME on something I PAID for that I ordered. She wasn't calling me a bad mother because I take crappy phone pictures of my kids. But that's what it felt like.
As a mom we feel the pressure. We've seen the jokes. We are chef, doctor, nurse, driver, maid, seamstress, personal entertainer, hair dresser, personal stylist, protector, director, and the list goes on and on ad infinitum. Yet, somehow, no matter what, in just our Trying to Be the Best Mom We Can Be, something always falls short, someone says something and there it goes... the raging insecurity. Maybe it's just me, but it's definitely something I struggle with and I have always had a sore spot for this one. I'm not a great photographer. I'm busy living and enjoying the moments and then when they are gone, I think, "Oh! That would have been a great picture!" but even that thought is fleeting because I'm already on to the next thing and I console myself that at least we will all have the great memories...
All that to say, we all do our best for our kids and as moms, we should rally behind and support each others' efforts and we shouldn't go off our Insanity Rockers if someone has advice or makes an unrelated comment about something... I know I try. And I will try. What do you say?
Mommies of the World Unite. Oh, Ladies... We are all in this together.
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