Weaning and TMI

I never thought it would be so hard. It was easy this time to last this long, but THIS is hard.

With my first, breastfeeding was literally a hellish ordeal. I will spare you the gory details, but needless to say, it was not pretty and by three months, I ditched it completely and embraced the bottle.

With my son, it was easier. We lasted about seven or eight months and had supplemented mostly at night so I could get rest. At one point, my husband and I were going away on an anniversary trip and I made sure he was weaned before we left and that was that. No muss. No fuss. No emotional attachments to the process or weird physical discomfort of any kind.

This time... I have no idea. She will be a year old September 3rd and I am down to two feedings a day. I know that I can nurse her for as long as I want, but with the fall coming and the other two in school, I really needed a plan to cut out the day feedings and that went relatively easy... sort of. Oh she is ok. It's ME that is having a hard time. I really haven't a clue why. My body feels like it's revolting against me. I'm emotional- The Rainbow Connection song that Kermit sings? It came on today as we were in the kitchen after lunch and I just started crying. I can blame hormones, right? For the morning and evening nursings, she is only half interested and stops after just a few minutes and is just... done. Logically, I know this is a good thing. This is just another one of those steps in life towards her being an autonomous, independent adult one day. But I feel rejected. She doesn't really need me anymore. She eats food and gets her milk and I'm probably doing it more for me than for her at this point. It's just another one of those processes of detaching one step at a time. It's hard.

Also, I feel kind of bad about not feeling like this with the first two. I never had any of these thoughts or emotions with either of them. When I was done, it was done and I was fine. But with her, it's just different. This is hard.

By October, this will all be over and she'll practically be a toddler. My son with be in Pre-K and my oldest girl will be in First Grade and then everyone is in college and married and I'm an old lady... Ok. I'm over-reacting, obviously. But it really feels like that right now. When did time speed up? I don't like it. Not one bit.

I AM looking forward to my over-emotional-ness (not really a word, I know) to subside. It's absurd. If I start to get choked up again in the cereal aisle of the supermarket over a Celine Dion song, please, someone whack me with a box of Wheaties, would ya? I promise, I will thank you.