Yesterday was not a good day. I really didn't have anything nice to say at all by the end of the day so I chose to say nothing at all. I was most certainly not on top of my game as a parent. I was just as bad as the kids. When they yelled, I yelled back and just tried to be louder. It's easier to fall into their little games than one might think. Needless to say, I am quite ashamed of myself and not that it is an excuse, but I was very tired and I'd had enough. It's hard to be a mom and face your breaking points. You aren't supposed to have them, but we do. It's what makes us human. I was at mine. Today, I got to get out without the kids for a few hours and it was lovely. Coming back to them and the bad reports...again, is not so lovely. Sometimes, it makes it very un-worth it to even leave them. But they need the space as much as I do, I'm sure.
I know I'm not perfect and I know I don't always do the right things or handle things in the best possible way, but I know I'm not completely horrible, so what is it that I'm doing wrong? I can't help but think it's just their personalities coupled with our lifestyle and I've just got to keep it up. My mom says that kids are just kids and sometimes you just have to get them through these rough patches. I think this summer was definitely a rough patch. For all of us. But it's almost over.
Tomorrow, my husband comes home and has work peppered throughout the week but at least he is coming and going. Which is always better than just GONE. School starting will help and I am looking into programs for the kids. I don't like the whole idea of carting children about for the sake of busyness, but they are so very active. I am thinking I need to set my own ideas aside and get them enrolled in SOMETHING. ANYTHING. Well, not anything... jai alai anyone? Underwater basket weaving? How about the accordion? They need to master something obscure enough to set them apart for their college applications... I'm just kidding.
Well, only half kidding...
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